College has been really pretty shitty so far. I have effectively fucked up every relationship with every person I have ever met on some level. I don’t know what I want. My insecurities about my future and present self are hurting the one person that loves me. I think. I have been lied to, cheated on, and blatantly hurt on many occasions, and it has only been 4 months. I want to be in a relationship. I want to be single. I want friends. I want to be alone. I want so much, but at the same time don’t want a thing. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where to go. I am annoying. I am an asshole. I am arrogant. I am ignorant. I am snooty. I am shallow. I am heartless. I am irrational. I am so many negative things and sometimes I feel as if that is all that I am - negative things. Shit. Oh well. This goes out to the people who give a shit about what I post. Which is no one.